Showing posts tagged money
So this one time, the South African division of Reuters converted 50 Cent.

So this one time, the South African division of Reuters converted 50 Cent.

You Can Bank On It

Ireland is a small country, so nothing much interesting happens. One day, some years ago, however, our banks collapsed, sending the national economy tail-spinning into a horrendous depression. The government tried to stop the flow by pumping money into Irish banks and issuing guarantees and so on, but it didn’t really work. 

Today, some tapes surfaced of some phone conversations between some executives of Anglo Irish Bank. Here’s a clip of the transcript, printed in The Irish Times today, involving John Bowe, former head of capital markets, Peter Fitzgerald, former head of retail banking, and David Drumm, former Anglo-Irish CEO.

Bowe: This is seven billion bridging.
Fitzgerald: Yeah.
Bowe: So it is bridged until we can pay you back. Which is never.
(both laugh)
Bowe: (laughing) That’s right.

On today’s Six One news show, they played a tape of David Drumm talking to John Bowe where he referred to the German intervention as “fucking ridiculous”, whereupon Bowe began singing Deutschland Uber Alles and they both started laughing. A little while later, Drumm tells Bowe to “jack up the rates”, anything as long as he gets “the fucking money in.” 

I am not making any of this up. These guys were recorded saying these things on tape. If I wrote this as a satirical comedy, no one would accept it. 

Letting Go

I’m not going to renew my site, solo1y.com, when it comes around in April. It’s going to be deleted, so if there’s anything on there you want to download, or whatever, now’s the time. Well, maybe not. The entire site will be kept as is on my local machine (I might even update it) until such time as I have money to burn and then I’ll get a personal site again. My Facebook and my Tumblr obviate the need for my site, so there’s no point in paying for it separately. 

I’m also ending my rapidshare subscription, which you probably shouldn’t care about at all. They are now the number one target for whoever’s responsible for taking down links, so it’s not worth my time. I download so little stuff now that I might as well use the free daily links instead.

I’m going to spend the savings on quinoa and lentils, although reastically I’ll probably blow it all on Murakami books and Straczynski comics. 

A specimen copy of my cell phone bill. As you can see, I can’t stand to be on that thing for more than three seconds. These days, my bill is empty because I’ve had my phone switched off for the last four months.
I’m very proud that somehow I managed to make two calls that lasted less than a second.


Ladies, this is how a real man makes phone calls.

A specimen copy of my cell phone bill. As you can see, I can’t stand to be on that thing for more than three seconds. These days, my bill is empty because I’ve had my phone switched off for the last four months.

I’m very proud that somehow I managed to make two calls that lasted less than a second.

Ladies, this is how a real man makes phone calls.

irishthings:







mo7med88:







Ireland- the coins we used before the Euro :D







When money felt like it was worth something…







Look at that fifty pence piece, sitting there like a sexy fuck. It was the heaviest of those coins, so you always knew when your pockets were full of 50ps. The pound coins (charmingly and archaicly labelled “punt”) were like bottle caps compared to those bad boys. 
Look at that bird on there. You know what that is? A kingfisher, right? Wrong! It’s a woodcock. That’s right. It’s a bird made up of two words that both mean “erection”. That’s what was sitting in your pants when you were rolling with the fifty pences. That’s how cool that silvery bitch was. 
And there you are, clicking and scrolling away, munching your cornflakes, like a big boring bastard. You must really hate yourself knowing that a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Irish people were fingering cupronickel heptagons and drinking red lemonade.

irishthings:

mo7med88:

Ireland- the coins we used before the Euro :D

When money felt like it was worth something…

Look at that fifty pence piece, sitting there like a sexy fuck. It was the heaviest of those coins, so you always knew when your pockets were full of 50ps. The pound coins (charmingly and archaicly labelled “punt”) were like bottle caps compared to those bad boys. 

Look at that bird on there. You know what that is? A kingfisher, right? Wrong! It’s a woodcock. That’s right. It’s a bird made up of two words that both mean “erection”. That’s what was sitting in your pants when you were rolling with the fifty pences. That’s how cool that silvery bitch was. 

And there you are, clicking and scrolling away, munching your cornflakes, like a big boring bastard. You must really hate yourself knowing that a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Irish people were fingering cupronickel heptagons and drinking red lemonade.

(Reblogged from irishthings)

Operation Tax Amazon

postsatire:

Amazon is using bogus non-residential status to avoid taxes in pretty much every country where they operate. 

A friend of mine wrote a book called "Pay Your Taxes", which is a real book with a real story, but the only point of which is to get the title of the book in the Amazon best seller lists, to make Amazon look silly. The details: Operation Amazon.

If you are in the American market, use this link to download the free book. 

If you are in the English market, use this link to download the free book.

You should do this not because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s fucking hilarious.

If you like the idea of forcing a massive multinational to pay its taxes, or at the very least to confront them head-on using their own mechanisms, then don’t just like this post, reblog it! We only have two days before the automatic triggers make the book not free, so reblog, reblog, reblog! 

(Reblogged from postsatire)
lovingforthelost:

fain-would-i-climb:

solo1y:

Let’s say you’re an American citizen who feels that the current Obama administration is failing your country. Which of the following do you think would be more helpful: 1. Cover your Toyota in abusive, garish stickers.
OR
2. Buy an American car.

Except a TON of Toyotas are built in the US. Just because a car has a foreign name does not mean it was built in another country.
Good try though.

I think these bumper stickers are amazing. XD

You honestly don’t understand why buying an American car is better for the American economy than buying a Japanese car - wherever it was made? 
moofles:

lol abusive.

One of those bumper stickers is suggesting that liberal people be sterilised. I would call that abusive. It doesn’t bother me or anything, but there’s no point in lying about it. Is suggesting the sterilisation of your political opponents amusing? I don’t know. Are liberals the new Lebensunwertes Leben? Maybe they are.

I think I’ll take a trip in my Honda Accord which was built in this state to its birthplace a couple of hours away and tell all of the employees to either go to Japan or work for an American car company. It’s a great idea because American cars are built to be perfect and not suck.

I really didn’t think there would be this much resistance among people who probably regard themselves as patriots to the idea of buying American. The point of this post is to demonstrate that there is a much better way to support America than buying cars which generate profits for foreign companies and cover them in stickers which were made in China. That’s it. Anything else you think I’m saying is in your mind.

lovingforthelost:

fain-would-i-climb:

solo1y:

Let’s say you’re an American citizen who feels that the current Obama administration is failing your country. Which of the following do you think would be more helpful:

1. Cover your Toyota in abusive, garish stickers.

OR

2. Buy an American car.

Except a TON of Toyotas are built in the US. Just because a car has a foreign name does not mean it was built in another country.

Good try though.

I think these bumper stickers are amazing. XD

You honestly don’t understand why buying an American car is better for the American economy than buying a Japanese car - wherever it was made? 

moofles:

lol abusive.

One of those bumper stickers is suggesting that liberal people be sterilised. I would call that abusive. It doesn’t bother me or anything, but there’s no point in lying about it. Is suggesting the sterilisation of your political opponents amusing? I don’t know. Are liberals the new Lebensunwertes Leben? Maybe they are.

I think I’ll take a trip in my Honda Accord which was built in this state to its birthplace a couple of hours away and tell all of the employees to either go to Japan or work for an American car company. It’s a great idea because American cars are built to be perfect and not suck.

I really didn’t think there would be this much resistance among people who probably regard themselves as patriots to the idea of buying American. The point of this post is to demonstrate that there is a much better way to support America than buying cars which generate profits for foreign companies and cover them in stickers which were made in China. That’s it. Anything else you think I’m saying is in your mind.

(Reblogged from lovingforthelost)
I would be thrilled if people posted high quality content, discouraged bad quality content and reported it, were generally supportive, and didn’t block ads.

Moot, on how users can contribute to 4chan, in response to a series of rather sternly-worded posts from users insisting that he accept donations, or increase the amount of ads on the site. 

Moot has always been violently opposed not only to taking any kind of donations for 4chan, but even to consider setting up premium content for paid users. He is also opposed to setting up something like the Something Awful archive registration, where you pay to access the archived post database "because they eliminate the ephemeral nature of content on 4chan", which is a point. Most threads last a maximum of 15 minutes, and that is their strength. Perhaps more pressingly, there already exists more than one third-party 4chan archive which activates automatically based on number of real-time user archive requests. Add to that the tendancy of 4chan users to screencap the “good” stuff, and post it to to their tumblr, Facebook, etc. and the whole idea seems kind of pointless. 

So this is the situation:

  1. 4chan is a worthwhile site, one of the few actual internet-shaping sites online at the moment. It’s possibly a model of data collection and distribution for the future, but it’s certainly a meme factory as it stands.
  2. 4chan has massive traffic, and the servers and software architecture cost a lot of money to maintain. 
  3. Moot is not privately wealthy. We only have moot’s word for this, but I believe him.
  4. Moot refuses to consider any of the usual sources of income (in-line ad-raping, etc.). If he had done this about four years ago, he’d "probably have a helicopter by now". That sounds about right.
  5. ????
  6. Lack of profit.

If you have any ideas, or can spot something obvious that he’s missed, please feel free to tell him.

Unemployment Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

It is a period of unemployment.
Rebel job-seekers, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Capitalist Empire.

During the battle, Job-seeker
spies managed to steal secret
plans to the Empire’s
ultimate weapon, the HEALTH
INSURANCE, an armored space
station with enough power
to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire’s
sinister agents, Princess
Leia races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her
people and restore
jobs to the galaxy….


I heard about a job opportunity in Hawaiian Gardens, a small city about 40 miles away from Pomona, on the 605. They train you to be a third party player in a casino. I had no idea what that means. I’m still not entirely clear, but I know what “$10 an hour” means, so I said I’d give it a try. Today was my first day of training.

With a name like Hawaiian Gardens, you’d expect something special. What you get is an entire city that looks like the back of an old people’s home. The training centre itself is in a series of rooms that have been rented from the Tri-City Regional Medical Center, a hospital, full of the brightly-lit, quiet sadness that hospitals have cornered the market on.

You have to walk through the consulting rooms to get there: spinal surgeon, cardiologist, casino training. I got there an hour early. Firstly, because I got no sleep the previous night. None at all. The guy in the room next door decided to form a band at 4:00 a.m. I knocked on his door and asked him to rehearse at a more manly hour. So they put the guitars away, but kept on laughing and shouting and so on, so at 5:00 a.m. I asked them when they were thinking of wrapping up the party. They didn’t know.

Secondly, I overestimated the traffic. And so I was sitting there in the cosy waiting room for about forty minutes, reading the little book I brought, and listening to the people behind the reception desk. The guy in charge of the training, whose name is Alpha, seemed to be taking a lot of phone calls.

In time, the training began. We are four. There is me, another white girl who talks about her kid all the time, and two Chinese girls who don’t speak English and clearly have no idea what’s going on. Alpha occasionally uses a translator thing on his phone to talk to them. He also explained that at some point they would have to pick up some basic English.

Under California law, a casino is not allowed to bank any winnings from card games itself, so they hire “third party” companies to do it on a contract basis. This means that they’ve essentially outsourced the whole financial end of casino card gaming. I have no idea why this is legal when straight casino banking is illegal. No one can explain it to me.

What this job entails, finally, is playing games at the casino tables. Our job is not so much to win or lose, but to keep dealers and players straight. There are all sorts of scams and slices and cuts and we have to know them all. To catch them quickly enough is a simple enough matter; it just means doing lots of basic math really, really fast. These dealers have been doing their jobs well for some years now, and inside a week I have to get better than them. I have to know all the bets, antes, bonuses, payouts and all the multipliers for every single possible hand. And I have to know all that in under a second, when the dealers hand is revealed and the bets are won or lost. And I have a week to get that good.

At the end of the week (or however long it takes), there is no job offer. Instead, they give you what they call an “audition”, where you are put at a real table somewhere, where one of the players is the actual guy who owns the actual casino. And you have to convince him that you can do a good job of maximising his profits, of guarding his money. And if he likes you, then I guess he likes you.

For the first time in sixteen years, I have homework. Long lists of multiplication tables, and photos of chip combinations that I have to match to bet returns. It’s hard work, but it’s not difficult, and I’m looking forward to learning more gambling stuff.

If I get a job out of this, expect endless stories about sad losers sending their family into homelessness at three o’clock in the morning, and morons basking in the transitory glow of victory. If I don’t, I’ll just post a quick note cursing all casinos everywhere.