Showing posts tagged cjp
I took a bunch of these things (my hat strategically dipped below one eye, my scarf was apricot) because I was looking for a particular chiaroscuro effect which proved elusive. I must have been too busy setting up the shots; I didn’t notice until I downloaded the photos from the camera that Christina was photo-bombing me in every single one of them, looking over one of my shoulders, staring into the off-centre middle distance like she was Photoshopped in from somewhere else entirely.
For extra creepy points, she wore that dress just to creep in my photos. Before and after she was wearing jeans and a shirt. 
I’ve started locking my door at night.

I took a bunch of these things (my hat strategically dipped below one eye, my scarf was apricot) because I was looking for a particular chiaroscuro effect which proved elusive. I must have been too busy setting up the shots; I didn’t notice until I downloaded the photos from the camera that Christina was photo-bombing me in every single one of them, looking over one of my shoulders, staring into the off-centre middle distance like she was Photoshopped in from somewhere else entirely.

For extra creepy points, she wore that dress just to creep in my photos. Before and after she was wearing jeans and a shirt. 

I’ve started locking my door at night.

On Costume Options

  • Christina: You should go as that guy from The Searchers!
  • Me: John Wayne?
  • Christina: Yes!
  • Me: You want me to go to this thing as Ethan Edwards?
  • Christina: Yeah, him!
  • Me: That'll be the day.

Strong Feelings About Cheese

  • Me: What the hell is this crap?
  • Christina: Goat's cheese.
  • Me: No, I can read that. I meant what the hell is this crap?
  • Christina: I like goat's cheese.
  • Me: What do you mean you like goat's cheese? No one likes goat's cheese. People are forced to eat goat's cheese at weddings and art gallery openings, but no on "likes" it. It tastes like someone took some normal cheese and put a dead person's foot in it.
  • Christina: I like it.
  • Me: Yeah, but you like Kimchi, and that shit is vile. That's like your favourite cheese, isn't it - "kim cheese".
  • Christina: For your information, there's an entire country of people who love Kimchi.
  • Me: Yeah but they're Koreans, not real people. No one gives a fuck about Koreans.
  • Christina: They do!
  • Me: All I'm saying is that if everyone in Korea disappeared tomorrow, no one would give a fuck, or even notice, except other Koreans.
  • Christina: Oh yeah? Well if everyone in Ireland disappeared-
  • Me: There would be grinding and gnashing of teeth all over the world, possibly even mass suicides.
  • Christina: That's not true.
  • Me: Yes it is. What would happen on St. Patrick's Day? You'd have to all just sit around and be sad for the whole day.
  • Christina: You're an asshole.
  • Me: Whatever. Remember the last time we did something for whatever-saint-is-in-charge-of-Korea day? Oh yeah, THERE ISN'T ANY!

Sometimes I Feel 100 Years Behind

  • Christina: I don't like Kipling.
  • Me: What did he ever do to you!
  • Christina: They put monkeys on everything.
  • Me: I don't think there are monkeys in everything Kipling did. There's one in "The Jungle Book".
  • Christina: What?
  • Me: "The Jungle Book" has a monkey in it. I don't think "Kim" has any.
  • Christina: I'm talking about the purse company.
  • Me: Oh. Never mind.

On Seattle, Hipsters and Homeless People

  • CJP: Have you been to Seattle?
  • Me: No.
  • CJP: It's full of homeless people. They're everywhere, on every corner.
  • Me: They're actually hipsters.
  • CJP: No, they're homeless people!
  • Me: How can you tell?
  • CJP: Well they're dirty and they look sad.
  • Me: And what about the homeless people?
  • CJP: ...

I get a lot of shit for how I look in photos; always a cynical frowning bastard.

"Smile, Barry! Fake some emotion like the rest of us do every second of our lives!"

Not me! If you want me to smile, then you better be doing something hilarious. Pointing a camera at me is not hilarious.

So lately, I’ve been doing an exercise in timing (because I got bored of trying to get the gas pump to stop exactly on the dollar). If I’m in a photo with a girl, I say something sexist/racist/whatever, along the lines of “you’re even more Chinesey-looking than your sister” just before the photo gets taken. Afterwards, I inquire as to the manner in which they are enjoying “them” pomaceous fruits of Malus domestica.

So far, I think I’m getting results.

Related: Barry Doesn’t Like Family Photographs

Sometimes even a BRB gets away from me

  • Jaewon: beb
  • Jaewon: brb
  • Jaewon: bbbbbakjkk
  • solo1y: bububosubsodkfdkfmdeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  • solo1y: We've lost him.
  • solo1y: CALL IT!
  • solo1y: No! There's still time! Get the paddles.
  • solo1y: He's dead.
  • solo1y: GET THE PADDLES
  • solo1y: ok
  • solo1y: Now, CLEAR!
  • solo1y: He's dead.
  • solo1y: SHUT UP! I'm not losing him! CLEAR!
  • solo1y: Call it.
  • solo1y: NO!
  • Jaewon: back
  • solo1y: Call it!
  • Jaewon: he died 11:57PM
  • solo1y: *runs out of the room, leans against wall, pulls surgical mask off roughly, stares at ceiling, closes eyes, pinches bridge of nose*
  • Jaewon: *walks out slowly, looks into your eyes with deep understanding, brief pat on shoulder, then walks off*

Conversation on Santa Monica Beach at 5:44pm, 25th February 2012

  • Me: What the shit is this balls? Why's everyone just standing here?
  • Adrienne: We're looking at the sunset.
  • Me: The what?
  • Christina: [pointing] Over there. The sunset.
  • Me: So fucking what? Jesus Christ this is some faggoty-ass bullshit.
  • Adrienne: It's pretty!
  • Me: Well pardon me if I don't get too excited over something that happens literally every fucking day.
Sometimes I rely on others to eludicate my feelings.
Special Guest Star: bewbins

Sometimes I rely on others to eludicate my feelings.

Special Guest Star: bewbins