February 2012
42 posts
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Tachyon Particle Explained →
It was a fault in the measuring system. Most of you probably have no idea what I’m talking about, but those who do will be breathing a huge sigh of relief.
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Newt of the World
So Newt Gingrich says Mitt Romney will “say anything” to get elected, implying a lack of sincerity or maybe even hypocrisy.
He might be right, but this is coming from a family values candidate who’s been married three times. It’s an easy joke to make, but it’s only funny because of the self-righteous damnation he heaps on anyone who dares ask him about it.
This is...
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Vote For Me!
Hi. I’m a rich white man who loves Jesus. I made my money by firing people. I’m trying to convince you that we should run this country like we run companies: for profit. I will reverse any attempts to help sick Americans who can’t afford their treatment.
As I have proposed more or less eliminating taxes, I logically must enact a hack and slash attitude to public spending, except...
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On Motivation II
solo1: Sometimes i find it hard to find any motivation for anything.
Andrea M: YES
solo1: Because everything is pointless and everyone is stupid.
Andrea M: exactly
solo1: Christina gets paralysing depression from those moments of lucidity. I just get comedy material.
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Shit Happens
The last time I tried this vegetarian thing, it tripped over a low wall made of tofu and despair. As they say, “the results were disappointing”, so I’m trying it again.
Two days in and I’m not craving meat, but my poop smells awful. I mean really bad. It smells worse than the little gifts my stupid dog leaves on the grass outside, and everyone downwind knows that he...
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A NATO Love Story
I met Juliet for the last time at the Zulu Hotel in India, which was famous for its golf course and the garish red uniforms of their polite, slightly embarrassed staff.
The first time we met, in Lima, I joked that I could be her Romeo, she was unamused. She was a dancer in Peru, and during long nights of whiskey at our tiny apartment in Quebec she told me stories of dancing the foxtrot and the...
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“… the Republicans are calling for lower tax rates to stir more jobs....”
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- Cameron Riopelle, Department of Sociology at the University of Illinois.
Again, low taxes do not stimulate employment, although you might see an artificial bump in the GDP. What creates jobs is a greater demand for domestic products and services.
Imagine the economy, as many have done...
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“As in many other of de Selby’s concepts, it is difficult to get to grips...”
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- Flann O’Brien, The Third Policeman
Flann O’Brien was an alcholic Irish writer who wrote some of the best comedy I have ever seen. I don’t know if you need to be Irish to fully appreciate him, but it’s concentrated distilled genius. It’s Jorge Luis Borges crossed...
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The Second Coming
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimm’d tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Coming is at...
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I didn't get where I am today by being "sexy"
agniology:
splendid-summer-morning replied to your post: I would destroy you. Oh no! I appear to have forgotten to “Ask anonymously”! THE SHAME!
like sex
what an awkwardly non-sexy pickup line
Believe it or not, some chicks are into the awkwardly non-sexy thing. I mean I don’t personally know any, but prime-time television assures me that this is the case.
The search continues.
If you...
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My First Joke in Chinese
Me: I'm going to say something. OK?
Chinese woman: Yes.
Me: Wo bo whey shua po tung wha!
Chinese Woman: Yes.
Me: You know what that means?
Chinese Woman: I don't speak Chinese.
Me: Yes, you do. You speak Chinese all the time.
Chinese Woman: No, what you say. It mean "I don't speak Chinese".
Me: I know. It's a joke. Right?
Chinese Woman: ...
Me: I made you say that you don't speak Chinese, and you're Chinese, you see? It's ironic. Do you have irony in China?
Chinese Woman: [with a slightly sinister edge, I thought] All the world - we have their iron.
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The Least Useful Phrase in Chinese
Wo whey shua po tung wha.
It means - I speak Chinese. Completely useless when it’s all you know. A far more useful phrase is - Wo bo whey shua po tung wha, which means - Me no can speak Chinese. To ask someone else if they speak Chinese you say - ni whey shua po tung wha ma? But why THE BALLS would you ever do that? You want to know if they speak the only real language in the world, the...
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On Correct Phrasing
Andrea M: I won't be DRESSING any differently
Andrea M: because I dress how I dress at all times
solo1: ?
Andrea M: like a boy
solo1: Jesus don't say that.
Andrea M: HA
solo1: Like a *lesbian*.
Andrea M: HAHAHAHA
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My Favourite Joke
The set-up: On 25 October 1946, Karl Popper was invited to present a paper entitled “Are There Philosophical Problems?” at a meeting of the Moral Sciences Club, which was chaired by Ludwig Wittgenstein. After the epistemology presentation, there was a heated argument between them, and in the ensuing scuffle, a poker may have been grabbed from the fireplace and thrust manfully in the...
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Popbitch
Our theory is that the BBC, like the Soviet Empire before it, is dictated from the top by the Hairy-Bald Theorum. The Director-General succession follows the same pattern as the Soviet leadership (ie, a slaphead is always followed by a hairy man).
Soviet Union
Lenin (baldy) - Stalin (hairy)
Krushchev (baldy) - Brezhnev (hairy)
Andropov (baldy) - Chernyenko (hairy)
Gorbachev (baldy) -...
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Information Request
This is a challenge to the internet demons who follow me.
Last night around midnight PST, (8 am GMT) on the BBC World Service, I heard Matt McGrath interview Wael Aleji, the representative of the General Commission of the Syrian Revolution in London. He was talking about a curious incident where the Russian ambassador to England, Alexander Yakovenko requested a meeting with him (Dr. Aleji) to...
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“I will insist on a military so powerful, no one would ever think of challenging...”
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- Mitt “Mittens” Romney on his military strategy during his victory speech after the Florida primary.
History teaches us that building up massive forces as a deterrent can be counter-productive.
January 2012
59 posts
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"Weird"
I don’t like when people call me “weird”. Not because it’s so obvious as to obviate any need to state it. Not because it’s the sort of thing I used to hear every day at primary school right before getting the shit kicked out of me by no doubt well-meaning cultural course-correctors.
No. The reason I dislike “weird” is because it shows no imagination or...
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Google + Facebook = ?
After initially promising numbers, Google + has failed to live up to its own Facebook-killer hype. After I noticed a pattern and sent some emails, one of the head engineers of the research and development team spoke to solo1y.tumblr under the condition of anonymity. “I think people would be surprised if they knew where most of the money was coming from,” claims the obviously Jewish...
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Atheist Cartoons →
I had some atheist cartoons lying around my hard drive. I planned to put them into a solo1y.tumblr megapost, with a little explanation or comment under each one, but I think I have enough to merit an entire new tumblr. And here it is. Because clearly my problem is that I’m not running enough blogs.
Other blogs I run include:
Elephant in the Restroom, a restaurant blog that concentrates not...
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